Day 31- The Aftermath and an Encore!

30 songs in 30 days!

I wish I could express how much I have enjoyed doing this challenge, and even more, how much I have appreciated the comments and compliments you have shared with me.  For all of you that came down this road with me, Thank You! 

I am a bit sad to see this come to a close.  My brain does not get too much exercise these days, and between writing, searching memories and deciding what song best fits the days, it has been a refreshing work out.  I am still mulling over what to do with this space now, but I do not think I will let it sit idle for too long. 

Here's the recap from our journey together, and after, I am adding one more for the road.

day 01 – my favorite song - It Is Well With My Soul by Sandi Patti
day 02 – my least favorite song - The Chicken Dance by Some crazy person with an accordion
day 03 – a song that makes me happy - Raise Your Glass by P!nk
day 04 – a song that makes me sad - A Better Place To Be by Harry Chapin
day 05 – a song that reminds me of someone - Trashin The Camp by Phil Collins and NSync
day 06 – a song that reminds me of somewhere - Love Is In The Air by Milk and Spoon
day 07 – a song that reminds me of a certain event -This Woman's Work by Kate Bush
day 08 – a song that I know all the words to - Marry You by Bruno Mars
day 09 – a song that I can dance to - When Love Takes Over by David Guetta and Kelly Rowland
day 10 – a song that makes me fall asleep- Somewhere in Time from the Soundtrack
day 11 – a song from my favorite band - Armageddon It by Def Leppard
day 12 – a song from a band I hate - Cum On Feel The Noize by Quiet Riot
day 13 – a song that is a guilty pleasure - Loser Like Me by the Cast of Glee
day 14 – a song that no one would expect me to love - Love the Way You Lie by Eminem and Rhianna
day 15 – a song that describes me - Get It Right by Rachel on Glee
day 16 – a song that I used to love but now hate - My Heart Will Go On by Celine Dion
day 17 – a song that I hear often on the radio - Rolling in the Deep by Adele
day 18 – a song that I wish I heard on the radio - The One That Got Away by Katy Perry
day 19 – a song from your favorite album - Sacrifice/Tonight by Sinead Oconnor/George Michael
day 20 – a song that I listen to when I am angry - Breathe by Michelle Branch
day 21 – a song that I listen to when I am happy - Firework by Katy Perry
day 22 – a song that I listen to when I am sad - Firework by Katy Perry
day 23 – a song that to play at my wedding - My Life Would Suck Without You by Kelly Clarkson
day 24 – a song to play at my funeral - I'm Checkin Out by Meryl Streep in Postcards from the Edge
day 25 – a song that makes me laugh - The Lazy Song by Bruno Mars
day 26 – a song that I can play on an instrument - Somewhere Out There by Celine Dion/Peabo Bryson
day 27 – a song that I wish I could play - The Music Of The Night from Phantom of the Opera
day 28 – a song that makes me feel guilty - Who Knew by P!nk
day 29 – a song from my childhood - Schoolhouse Rock
day 30 – my favorite song at this time last year - Airplanes by BYOB

Whew!

I am going to leave you with one last song for now.  Last fall Jim and I went to see Paranormal Activities Part 2 in the theater.  I missed watching the first one with a crowd and I definitely wanted to see this one to see everyone's reactions.  Silly me, I was the one that jumped out of my chair.  I love a good scary movie.  So, anyway, we went to see this movie and during the previews, I was very surprised to see that Cher was coming out with a new movie!  She was starring with Christina Aquilera in a new film due out for the holidays called Burlesque!  Obviously with Christina in it, it was going to be a musical, and I could not wait to see Cher!  I miss her...a BUNCH!

I went home and looked up the musical and found on the whole soundtrack, Cher only had 2 songs.  That darn Christina got all the rest.  That is just wrong.  I downloaded the two track, and skipped Christina's just out of spite or silent protest, and the two songs were awesome!  My favorite of the two, could very well be Cher's own personal theme song.  How many times have you thought, ok, she's gone for good now, or that was just so crazy, she will never come back from that.  And like a twinkie after a nuclear blast, there she is.  Look up reinvention in the dictionary and I bet there is a picture of her there wearing some Bob Mackey dress looking like a million bucks! 

I like Cher for her resilience.  It is a real inspiration to me, as is this song which I deemed her unofficial theme song.  I am going to close this journey with her song, and just like Cher, You Havent Seen The Last Of Me. 

Day 30- My Favorite Song Last Year- Airplanes

Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars? 
I could really use a wish right now....

2010 was pretty eventful for me.  Some of it good, most of it not so much.  With my relocation to Fort Wayne for work and leaving home for days and weeks at a time,  it was one of those years that seemed to be an extended trial by fire.  The thing about fire is, it can be a very destructive force, but it can also be a tool used to forge an even stronger end result.  When you are the one in the fire, it is difficult at the time to know where you are going to end up, destroyed or stronger.  I am going to go out on a limb here and say 2010 brought me the latter result. 

I could use a dream or a genie or a wish,
to go back to a place much simpler than this...

With all of the changes that the year brought in 2010, life got both more complicated and simple at the same time.  I ended up making some very difficult choices to let go of some things that had once been so time consuming and enjoyable to me, in order to focus my limited time and energy of the people that are my life and world.  When all is said and done, all of the clutter we add into our lives is nothing if we do not have our homes and families intact.  It is hard to do that when you are several hundred miles away for days and weeks at a time, but we are working it out.  We don't like it but we are working it out. 

So here I stand and then again I say,
I'm hoping we can make some wishes out of airplanes...

Some days are easier than others, but not a day goes by that I do not wish that I was home at night after work and able to sleep in my own bed.  I wish for the days that I could be there to offer a hug when needed or to collect one when I am down.  I really miss having someone to scratch that darn spot on my back that is just out of reach but itches incredibly sometimes.  It is funny the things that we take for granted until they are not there.

One of these days things will shift back around again, somehow.  I keep looking for that change to come again.  I hope when it does, I still remember to focus as much on the things I care most about as I have learned to do from here.  I am optimistic....lol...at least today I am.  It's a good day!

It is no wonder that my favorite song of 2010 was Airplanes...

Day 29- A Song From My Childhood- Schoolhouse Rock!

After yesterday's sentimentality, it is nice to change gears today to something a bit of lighter material.  Day 28 bummed me out so I can just imagine what you thought.  My bad...

So, today we return to our roots, gray as they are. 

I went through a pretty long laundry list of possibilities for today and I had a hard time nailing just one down.  As I kid, there was lots of music around.  Mom loved the Oak Ridge Boys but I could not bear to inflict Elvira on all of my very patient readers.  She also had some Elvis, Christy Lane, Herb Albert and the Tijauana Brass on the record player quite a bit, as well as the Statler Brothers and Barbara Mandrell.  I remember my brother Robin having the soundtrack from Grease and Sargeant Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band, as well as The Commodores, and The Partridge Family usually handy.  Mike was more the cool music of Journey, Styx and I think the guys name was Jackson Browne.  I had (and please don't make ANY comments here) Shaun Cassidy, Sesame Street 45's, and the soundtrack to the Wizard of Oz (Hush now!) early on and later Men At Work, Bonnie Tyler, and Amy Grant.  Not wanting to leave out my Dad, all I remember really him listening to was Paul Harvey, you know, "And that's the rest of the story....".  Dad was not a huge music fan, but I have to admit, I did like Paul Harvey's stories.  Dad did have an 8track of The Carpenters.  This I do remember.  (And for the record, I have that same album on CD now.  It is still good after all these years.)

What I listened to pretty much depended on where I was in the house at the time.  Mom's record player was in the dining room and covered the main part of the house.  My brother Robin had a very cool JC Penny Stereo that had both a Record Player, Cassette deck and AM/FM stereo all in one console.  I had only limited access to that, and then only when my he was either not home or he wanted the tv in the living room.  Then I could get his permission to go into listen to his stereo.  Mike and I shared a room for a while but then he set up a very cool room in the basement, and I was granted similar access on a limited bases.  All three came with the same rule though.  DON'T SCRATCH THE RECORDS!!!!!!  And if I did, Ohhhhhhhhhh there was a price to be paid!!!!!!

Now, looking back, with all of these different options and genre's of music playing throughout the house, I guess it is no surprise that my tastes have such a wide range.  My family prepared me very well for that.  With all of these options to choose from today, I was at an impasse.  How do I choose?

Well, I guess I decided to go outside the box, since I could not pick just one of these, and go a different route.  There were some songs that I listened to very very faithfully as I grew up.  I only got to hear them on Saturdays, but I listened to them for years!  Saturday morning cartoons were just the BEST!  I almost always had the tv to myself for at least a couple hours, and that was rare!  I would get up in time to catch the Superfriends (I loved Aquaman....and I said Hush!), and then I could catch any number of morning greats.  The Smurfs, Shazam, Electro Woman and Dyna Girl, Bugs Bunny, Tom and Jerry, Hong Kong Phooey, the Schmoo, and sometimes Kookla, Fran and Ollie.  I would watch until finally the cartoons were slowly displaced by Saturday movies or Sports, or whatever else came on to mark the end of children's programming for the day.  Commercial breaks were either a chance for me to raid the kitchen for saltines or a handful of pickles and then run back to the living room for more.  Also commercial breaks were when I heard some of my favorite songs, which finally brings me to point.

I loved Schoolhouse Rock!  Conjunction Junction, I'm Just A Bill, The Shot Heard Round the World, Interplanet Janet, Lolly Lolly Lolly Get Your Adverbs Here,  and on and on.  I can honestly say, I know the Preamble to the Constitution entirely due to School House Rock.  I learned about Nouns and Verbs first on Cartoon Day!  I still know most of the songs!  So for a song from my childhood, I am going back to school and taking you with me.  Here is one of the ones I liked the best!  I would always skip my saltine and pickle run for this one!

Interjections!

Aw man, now I got myself thinking about the Preamble and had to listen to it too!

Day 28- A Song That Makes Me Feel Guilty- Who Knew

I've heard it said that people come into our lives for a reason, bringing something we must learn.  And we are led to those who help us most to grow, if we let them, and we help them in return.  Well I don't know if I believe that's true, but I know I'm who I am today, because I knew you.

I wish I could take credit for those words, but I can not.  They are actually the opening verse to the song For Good from the musical Wicked.  They are, however, a perfect lead in for today's song choice for a song that makes me feel guilty.  In my mind, I think I blurred the definitions of guilt and regret, in order to meet today's challenge.  I do not like guilt.  I have found that guilt can be a very debilitating thing as I have gotten older.  The only solution I have found is the following.  Know who you are, accept your limits, make your choices to the best of your abilities, and own the results.  By doing this, guilt loses its hold after a while and others lose their ability to make you feel guilty and use it against you. 

Regret can be a result sometimes of this plan though.  Sometimes, no matter how hard you try or how much thought you put into something, it does not work out the way you had hoped or intended.  Then you can get caught up in the "Could have, Should have, Would have" cycle which can be as paralyzing as guilt can be.  I say you "can" get caught in that, but it that is not always the case.  That's where owning the results comes in.   If you know, you did the best you could with what you had to work with, then regret is changed from its paralyzing form to more of an acceptance.  It is often still a "wish it could have been different" but that is something we can live with and go on with our lives. 

That was a long winded explanation of where I am coming from with today's song.  I have had many, many dear friends in my life's journey so far.  Several of them have appeared in the various song selections over the last couple weeks, and each one of them has had a transformative effect on my life, helping to make me the person I am today.  I can literally draw out a map through the years marked with of each of these persons, who have played such a vital part of my life and the development of my character.  While they were here, I did not ever foresee them not being around forever, but in the end, they were just passing through, being on their own journeys.  I wish they were all still here, and regret the loss of their continued daily presence.  It is not really guilt that I feel at allowing them to slip away, but regret that I was not able to hold on to them just a while longer.  Even though, I realize now, that they were on their own personal journeys through this life and accept that people come and go over time, I still experience pangs of regret that they slipped away, and some irrational guilt that I lacked the foresight to prevent it. 

For all of you, and you know who you are, if you come across this.  Know that you are still and always will be a part of me and in my heart.   "I know I'm who I am today, because I knew you."  Thank you

   

Day 27- A Song I Wish I Could Play-The Music Of The Night

Given my limited ability on the keyboard, there is any number of songs I wish I could play.  I have dozens of song books at home that I can pick out a couple songs in at best, but the rest are just to complicated for my micro sized talent.

One of the books I have is the music from Phantom of the Opera.  It looks impressive sitting on the piano, but really it gathers dust.  I can manage a passable version of Wishing you were somehow here again and maybe most of Think of me but that is about it. 

It would be a great feat if I could sit down and play my favorite song from the book.  I would be satisfied with getting it down enough for just my ears alone, but to be able to play it for real is a dream, or a wish.  I guess that fits for today.  I, however, would opt to play it without the mask or opera cape.  I would not want to offend, but I would also rather play it for Emmy Rossum from the movie than Sarah Brightman (who is in this video).  Sarah's big eyes kind of freak me out.....

Here is my wish

Day 26- A Song I Can Play On An Instrument- Somewhere Out There

Does Itunes count as an instrument? 

It would be helpful if I could use that.  As much as I like music, I am just not talented enough to play any instruments, at least not with anyone else in the room.  The closest I can come to it is when I have the house to myself, and all my neighbors within a 5 mile radius are out of town and I sit down at the piano.

I do not profess to play the piano as much as I play at it.  I can get enough out to sing along to (badly) and I really do enjoy doing it, though I do not get to do it as often as I would like.  What I know about the piano, I learned 23 years ago or so from my friend Kim Tribble.  She was a Masters student at the University of Hawaii when I lived there.  I lived dorm style with some other guys in a small 2 bedroom apartment on the side of Punchbowl cemetary, and I did not spend much time there except to shower and sleep.  I spent most of my time either at work, or with Kim roaming around the island on our scooters or hanging at her apartment.  We listened to lots of music, usually Reba McEntire or Sandi Patti, and she had a piano.  We spent a lot of time sitting at that piano where she would play and I would attempt to sing.  She was amazing (and apparently deaf). 

Sometimes she would have studying to do, and I would just hang out.  Eventually I wondered over to the piano and started plunking around on it.  I knew some of the basics, at least what keys matched up to what letters on the music, but I was one fingered at best.  One afternoon, Kim had had enough of my tinkering and making a racket while she was trying to study and she set her book down and came over to the piano and taught me some basics.  3 chords to start, C, F and G.  I was enthralled!  You would be very surprised how many country songs you can sort of play if you know just these three chords!  I started rifling through her song books looking for songs that I could play.  It was not concert quality, or even 230 am piano bar quality, but it was enough that I could get the basic background of the song out and (quietly) sing along to.  Soon I added some chords to my repertoire (Bflat, D, E) and I was able to do even more!  On my days off, when she was at school, she would let me come over and I would spend hours at the piano playing through anything I could find that had chords simple enough for me to fight my way through.  Kim had created a monster.

After about a year, I returned from Hawaii to the mainland.  Kim too had graduated and returned.  We lost touch for many years, but everytime I sit down at the piano, I am reminded of her.  I have owned 2 pianos since.  One was an old beat up upright baby grand that I bought from the Ohio School for the Blind for $75.  The other is a baby grand that we bought when we got our current farm.  The former owner of the farm had it, and it was just perfectly suited for the space it was in, so we purchased it from her.  It has a couple of hammers missing but that's ok, it does not really get steady work.  I have a bench full of sheet music and "Fake" books and have since learned several more chords to work with.  On those rare occasions I get to sit down and kill some time with it, I return to that apartment in Hawaii and wonder, how the neighbors ever survived me.

Here is one song that I can (kinda) play.  Funny thing, it was actually a song that meant alot to me in Hawaii as well.  Sometimes, when I got a little homesick, Kim and I would drive past the gate of Ala Moana Park after it closed, and walk out the rocks (past the homeless people, that part was a little scary) and sit and look at the ocean, while this song played in my head.

The voice at the beginning....yeah...that would be me singing along

Somewhere Out There

Day 25- A Song That Makes Me Laugh- The Lazy Song

Well, it was bound to happen at some point during this month.  I got this all typed up and went to post it yesterday and poof, it disappeared on me.  Way to go, Tracy!  (Sorry Stephanie)

So this will be a new and improved version of Day 25.

I find that as the month goes on, it seems like we are covering some of the same ground.  Today, a song that makes me laugh, before this we had a song that makes me happy, a song that I listen to when I am happy, they all seem like different sections of the same road.  I guess the subtle difference for today is that the some actually provokes a response.  I can work with that.

I do like to laugh.  Lots of things provoke some level of laughter.  Sometimes it is a "shaking your head" laugh saying "what were you thinking?" or a jaw dropping "were you even thinking?".  Other times it is more a wide eyed "how did they ever think of that?" or an admiring "I wish I had thought of that!"  The best kinds though are the ones that just surprise you and make you involuntarily just burst out in laughter because of the golden cross between timing, appropriateness and delivery. 

Bruno Mars gave me this last kind the first time I heard The Lazy Song!  If I had a theme song or a soundtrack for my life, I swear, some days, this would definitely be it.  I can hit just about every detail in this song, to the point, I wonder if the guy is peeping into my window.  You don't believe me?  Here are just a few of them.  I love to sleep!  Got the snuggy.  I don't know how to Dougie (whatever the heck that is) either.  I am perfectly content to ignore the phone some days.  I can stare at the fan for hours...or til I fall asleep anyway.  Sometimes, there is just no other place to put your hand....ok...nevermind, you get the picture.  Maybe it is a little creepy that he was peeping in my window. 

The only thing I am missing is the monkeys.  The song was great enough, now if I can have this as a theme song, then why cant I have the monkeys as Pips.  Gladys Knight had Pips.  Ally McBeal had Pips.  I think I would like to have these monkeys.  They make me laugh as much as the song does.  But if this does not do it for you read on....

The Lazy Song



Ok...if the monkeys did not do it for you, maybe you require a more cerebral kind of humor.  When I looked this song up, I found that Bruno Mars had made an alternate video for it that will maybe appeal to all of you who think the monkeys are a low brow humor.  Who can be more cerebral than Mr. Spock himself!  Leonard Nimoy stars in the alternate video.  For all you Sheldon loving, Star Trek living, too good for monkeys readers out there, here is The Lazy Song video that will appeal to you!  Just a fair warning, you will not look at Mr Spock the same way ever again after this one....ROFLMAO!!!!!

The Lazy Song..alternate video

Day 24- A Song I Want To Play At My Funeral- I'm Checkin Out

First of all, let me say this.  I will not be playing any songs at my funeral.  If it is my funeral, won't I be the one in the box?  At that point, I won't be doing much besides laying there.  I suppose they meant to say what song would I like to have played at my funeral.  I guess I can do that.  And if I put it in writing then I will have to rely on you to make sure the song gets played, since of course, I will be unable to verify it.  You can let me know.

So a song to be played at my funeral.  I would hope that at my funeral, we can mix up the playlist a little.  Did you ever notice how depressing the music selection can be at those things?  Good grief, the situation is already a bit of a downer.  The guest of honor is dead for heaven's sake, why does the music have to be so dreary too?  I even like sad songs, but I think we can mix it up a little bit at least.  I may be dead at that point, but those listening surely will not be.  I'd rather give them something to listen to that does not make them want to crawl into the box with me. 

That being the case, I went to the movies again to pick for today.  Did you ever see "Postcards From the Edge"?  If not, I am not surprised, but you are definitely missing out.  Meryl Streep, Shirley MacClaine, Gene Hackman, and Dennis Quaid bring Carrie Fisher's autobiographical novel to the big screen and it was a great, Great, GREAT movie!  Of course, it's hard to go wrong with Meryl in anything.  At the end of the movie, Meryl Streep sings a song called I'm Checkin Out, which marks a turning point for her from the stuff that she endures during the film, toward a brighter future.  It is a good metaphor and perfectly applicable for a musically happier funeral.

A quick note for those planning for my funeral...if you can arrange for Meryl to sing, I would be greatly honored.  I would prefer not to get the "Dingo stole my baby, Dingo stole my baby" Meryl, nor the evil Nun from Doubt.  Avoid also the Meryl from It's Complicated as I would not invite Alex Baldwin to the event.  If you can, get the happy Meryl from Mamma Mia, or the "I owned a farm in Africa" Meryl who can bring Robert Redford along.  Or you can just invite this one....

The icing on the cake would be for this Meryl to come in at the end of the song.  This Meryl is AWESOME!.....That's all....

Day 23- A Song I Would Want To Play At My Wedding- My Life Would Suck Without You

I can not even imagine a wedding for us.  Sure we have talked about the getting married thing as a theoretical part of the Marriage Equality Debate, but that is more that "we should be allowed to do it" conversation and not the "how would we do it" one.  I would probably be better off to just dig a hole in the backyard and jump into it, pulling the dirt over top of me afterward than to even think about planning a wedding.  I am not kidding!

I love him dearly, but just to go out for an evening, there seems to be a thousand little decisions that I have to help Jim make.  What shirt should I wear?  Sleeves or sleeveless?  No not white, I wore that last week.  Did I wear this shirt a month ago?  Oh...I cant wear it again, people will remember that.  This shirt...ok.  Light or dark jeans?  Which shoes?  The tennis shoes (I always say no to the tennis shoes because I do not like them) or the black ones?  Necklace or no?  And all of that is before he even gets into the shower!!!!  I am not even going to go into hair.  Our friends always ask why we do not come out til 11 or 12.  It's because we are very busy!

Now multiply that by every little decision that would go into planning a wedding.  You see what I mean?  We would need an army of wedding planners just to pick out tuxedos!  So, I do not really see a wedding in the cards, anytime soon. 

I am not sure for us, what the point would be anyway.  After 18 years, doing a wedding now would be like having a baby shower when the child graduated high school.  Not much reason for that as the cute little outfits would have to all be returned anyway, and the diaper supply would be for the parent, not the child. 

Maybe, now would be the time for a wedding though.  Did you ever think about that?  Imagine the money that could be saved if you waited to hold the wedding, after being sure that you were both going to be together long enough to make the investment worthwhile.  Of course, by that time, you would find so many other things more pressing to spend that money on like mortgages, retirement, college funds, etc.  The wedding industry may not be happy with that plan.  Plus, for the ones that did not work out, there would not be all the issues and expenses that go into a messy divorce.  The lawyers would not like that either I think.  So, I guess the logical plan gets beat out by economics.

After all this time, maybe we could do a wedding.  But there is really no need.  I think a wedding is a chance to stand up in front of your family and friends and declare your commitment to your the one you love, and they are all there to share in the moment as an unspoken promise to stand by you.  Time has done that for us, and our families have done just that.  We have been lucky that way.  18 years is a long roller coaster with very big HIGHS and some pretty rough LOWS, but through it all, our families have always stood with us.  They have bonked us on the heads when needed and endured the sometimes drama that comes with sharing your life with another.  We would have been hard pressed to make it this far without them

As for us, I think we are just stubborn and just plain bull headed.  Sometimes it doesn't seem like we will make the next annual marker, but we keep pulling it out.  Sure, he wants to strangle me occasionally, today is likely one of those days, but we still laugh, work hard and have fun.  We have both grown up so much in this adventure together, know very well, that we have to keep working and growing to preserve what we have fought so hard to build.  Yes, STUBBORN but worth it. 

So for the imaginary wedding that I have to have a song for.  I am thinking...we'll pick up a new white shirt, sleeveless I think, dark jeans,and the black shoes (because I hate the tennis shoes). Yes, to the necklace, yes your hair looks impeccable and yes, I really did look at it.  And when the ceremony is all finished and we walk back down the aisle (I am picturing a beach though) to our family and friends that have always been there for us, this song will be playing.

 

Day 22- A Song I Listen To When I Am Sad - Firework

If you think you are experiencing deja vu at this moment, you are not. 

In a strange sort of way, it makes sense to listen to the same song both when I am happy and sad.  Firework, is one of those songs that changes for me depending on my mood.  When I am happy, it energizes me and makes me want to dance.  But when I am sad, it can, and has, made my eyes water.  I am not talking bawling, blubbering tears, but more the quiet ones that threaten to almost painfully squeeze out the corner of your eyes on the days when you have just had ENOUGH!

When this song first came out, Megan told me about it.  She had read that it was dedicated by Katy Perry for the "It Gets Better Project".  If you have not heard about this, the "It Gets Better Project" was a concentrated effort by all sorts of artists and businesses and everyday people to reach out to the youth of the gay community who were being bullied and exiled in their lives for being different, and to try to halt the rash of teen suicides that resulted from this treatment.  If you search YouTube for "It Gets Better" you will find thousands of videos posted that show that no matter how rough things are, there is definitely hope for a better tomorrow.  Some are personal testimonials, others are encouragements, but all testify to the fact that it is OK to be different and that you are not alone. 

Back to Firework....this song was just a perfect theme song for the project.  And it's message reaches out beyond the gay community to every person, kid or adult alike.  The first time I saw the video, it gave me chills.  It still does.  And the song speaks to me.

I work in a factory.  Not the most diverse of environments.  I live away from home all week long.  It gets kind of lonely.  I am not exactly "closeted" at work, but I am not able to really share much about my home life with those that I work with.  That bell cannot be unrung, once it sounds and I have found few there that I would be willing to trust to share my personal life with.  It is easier to just keep things generalized and go about my business.  My former plant was a little better, as I had some close friends there that I was able to share with.  I cannot really convey how much that compounds the isolation.  I have 2 supervisor friends who I have ran into out at the club, and we stay pretty tight, but the whole union/management dynamic keeps that at a minimum during work hours anyway.  My point is, I understand the feeling of being "different" and an "outsider", so I claim benefit of this song as well.  Lonely, sad, stressed, or depressed, this song reminds me that I will get through the bad days.  I always do and always will.  It definitely always gets better.

By the way, I promise no more repeats after today.  If you have not seen this video, please watch it.  It is awesome!

Day 21- A Song I Listen To When I Am Happy- Firework

Hmmm....Happy.

Wow.  I just asked Jim what song do I listen to when I am happy?  He thought for a moment and then said...and I quote "Gee.  Am I just drawing a blank here or are you never happy?"  REALLY!!!!!!

I can do happy!  I just do not do goofy all that much and giggly is even a lesser occurrence.  Happy I can do.  I remember an episode of Ally McBeal where the seemingly always happy and bubbly secretary Elaine was confronted with the question "How can you always be so happy?"  She said something like this.

"Happy is easy.  I just picture myself as the person I want to be and what I want others to see, and I put I put on that persona.  Soon others around me see that person and it is infectious as they respond in kind, and it then refreshes the state of mind in me.  It does not work for lonely, but happy is easy."

I always liked that.  I guess maybe I need to work on showing it more on the outside though, so Jim can realize that I can do happy. 

Here's one that always makes me happy, especially when I watch the video.

Firework

Day 20- A Song I Listen To When I am Angry- Breathe

Sorry folks.  I took a little bit of a hiatus over the weekend.  It was a good weekend, but very busy. I returned to Indiana on Friday to visit the horse show where Jim, Megan and Susie were showing then raced home to spin the music on Friday and Saturday at the Freedom Valley Campground.  It was fun being a guest DJ for a couple days.  It was loads of fun, gathering the music and preparing the playlists for the nights.  I do not do it often but it I enjoy it when I do.  A change of pace is always good.

Returning here on Day 20, I am actually a bit sad to find I am two thirds of the way through the challenge.  I am already thinking ahead of where I can go from here, once I reach Day 30.  I am open to suggestions!

Now for Anger Management day.  The funny thing is, I feel the same way about "Anger" that I do about "Hate".  Life is too short to waste it being angry all the time. 

Not that I am not surrounded by angry people, especially at work.  The plant I work in in Fort Wayne, is a hodge podge of displaced General Motors workers who, for the most part, ended up in the Fort due to the closings of their factories over the last several years.  Some picked up their families and moved away from their homes and transplanted to the Fort.  Many, like me, left their families and homes behind to come to the plant to work during the week, and then whenever possible return to their origins on the weekends.  For me it is only a 3 hour return, but for some it is 5 and 6 hours, or more.  There are a whole range of negatives that go along with that, but we have chosen to do it, because the alternative of unemployment is just too unbearable. 

With the stress of that kind of situation, added to the stress and uncertainty of the job, sometimes people just resort to being mad at the world, all the time.  You know what, I get that.  Sometimes things do not work out the way we planned them to.  Sometimes it seems life is not entirely fair, but it was a choice.  Being angry about it does not change the fact that it is where we are right now.  Keeping yourself miserable, all of the time, does absolutely nothing to make the situation anymore bearable.  In fact, it just makes it worse for both you and those that have to work day after day around you.  Personally I find that kind of attitude to be exhausting.  I avoid it in others and work very very hard not to allow it to take hold of me.

For me, anger is just not a feeling I wish to waste my time on.  It is too easy to speak in anger, and those words cannot be withdrawn, no matter how many times you apologize for them.  Acting out of anger usually yields the same result, and often puts you in a worse place than where you started.  Keeping anger inside and simmering just leads to explosions at best, and complete misery at worst.  As I said before, the whole process of anger is just exhausting.

A long time ago, my friend Paul Miller taught me that there were 'big things' and 'little things' in the world that were important enough to get stirred up over.  The way to tell the difference is to ask, will it matter tomorrow, next week, in a year, or in 5 years?  If the answer is no to any of them, then it is a 'little thing' and it is not worth the effort to get mad at.  It turns out, there are not too many 'big things'.  I have learned over the years that when confronted with these things, big or little, that it is best to just shut my mouth, count to ten (sometimes two or three times) and breathe.  Mom taught me the counting trick, Michelle Branch taught me the breathing one.  Sometimes I need a reminder and that's when I pull up this song.

Breathe

Day 19- A Song From My Favorite Album- Sacrifice (and) Tonight

As I said yesterday, I do not really buy many albums anymore.  But back in the day, (I can't believe I just said that), I accumulated my fair share of CD's.  Most of the time, it was just so I would have a song or two at best.  It was rare to find a whole album that I would just put in and listen to all the way through.  I guess for me to choose a "Favorite Album", that would be one of my criteria.  Thinking on those terms, narrowed my list a great deal.  I decided to rule out the Broadway soundtracks that I listen to on long road trips because they tell a story and kill a couple hundred miles at the same time.  That narrowed my list even further.  What I finally decided on using was actually a compilation CD I found back in the early 90's.

The album is called Two Rooms...Celebrating the Songs of Elton John and Bernie Taupin.  It is a great collection of covers of some of this duo's most memorable songs sung by some of the biggest heavy hitters of the late 80's and early 90's.  I discovered the album quite by accident.  I do not remember who I was calling at the time, but I got the inevitable "Please Hold" and found myself listening to the music.  It was the song Daniel but it was not Elton John singing it.  It really sounded like Wilson Phillips.  I liked it!  So I finished my call and set out to track down the Wilson Phillips CD.  The song was not on it.  Hmmmmm.

This was before the days where I could tap it into my smart phone and find the answer, so I kept looking.  It took a few weeks, and then there it was, in the used rack at the CD store.  I bought it and took it home (my car had a cassette player still...how embarrassing) and plugged it in.  Kate Bush (from Day 7) does an excellent Rocket Man, Jon Bon Jovi tears up Levon,  Oleta Adams adds her own familiar touch to Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me, and Tina Turner shows up on, of course, The Bitch is Back.  Phil Collins, The Beach Boys, Hall and Oates, Rod Stewart, The Who, and several others appear on the album and it is quite a tribute to the works of Elton and Bernie. 

By far my favorite songs on the disc were by Sinead OConnor and George Michael.  This was before both of them lost their minds.  O'Connor's cover of Sacrifice is just incredibly haunting.  It is a good sad day song or maybe bed time tune.  I have used it for both.  George Michael's cover of Tonight, lacks the haunting part, but the desperation seems to just flow from the speakers as he conveys the weariness and frustration of a relationship that seems doomed, and yet has not ended.  I wonder if there was autobiographical relevance for either Elton and Bernie, or for that matter George and Andrew Ridgely.  Considering that while listening adds some wrenching depth to the song. 

I could not choose between the two so you get both.  I hope you like them.

Sacrifice

Tonight

Day 18- A Song I Wish I Heard On The Radio- The One That Got Away

It usually takes some incentive for me to go ahead and buy a full album these days.  Itunes has made it so easy to just sign on and grab the tracks I want and then I do not have a hard drive full of songs that I will never listen to.  Remember the days when you bought a whole CD for one or two songs, or worse yet a cassette that you played one song over and over again til your player ended up eating the cassette.  Been there done that. 

I had a couple of incentives for downloading all of Teenage Dream by Katy Perry.  It had a couple of songs already released that I was familiar with (California Gurls and Teenage Dream) and then Firework came out.  That was incentive enough, but then Apple pushed me off the fence by sending me an offer to buy the album during a promotion for $6.99.  I said, what the heck, and I threw caution to the wind and plunked down my 7 bucks and bought the album.  Good move on my part. 

I loaded it up and took it to work started working my way through it.  I soon had about 7 out of the 12 tracks that I really liked.  Not a bad return on my investment.  Her most recent release (ET)  did not initially make that cut, but it has grown on me so make it 8 of 12.  My big favorites though were TGIF..Last Friday Night (which she just released) and Not Like the Movies (a pretty nice ballad that may hit the charts but maybe not).  The one that really got my attention was The One That Got Away.

I am not sure why exactly my this one snagged my brain the way it did, but I really like this tune.  It could be the story of lost love/opportunity.  I think though, more so, it is the chorus.  The music and chord progression there just flows over some part of my musical senses, and stays with me.  I wish I could explain that a bit more, but it's like trying to explain I like red instead of green.  I just do, and it just does. 

I do hope she releases it eventually.  If not, it will remain on my own private radio station in my head.   See what you think.

The One That Got Away

Day 17- A Song I Hear Often on the Radio - Rolling in the Deep

Adele!

Yeah, I do not really get this one.  I should like her I guess.  She made an appearance on Ugly Betty.  That in itself should put me in her court as Ugly Betty was my second favorite series ever.  Second only to of course, Ally McBeal!  Rolling in the Deep was covered on Glee as was Turning Tables.  I have liked artists for much less, but I just cannot seem to get on the bandwagon for this girl.  I know I will likely pay for admitting this fact, and hopefully you will forgive this obvious flaw in my character.

Rolling in the Deep is getting to be like My Heart Will Go On but without the clout of Titanic and Celine backing it.  I cannot seem to get away from it.  It's on the radio.  I hear it in stores.  I already mentioned Glee, which in a rare case, did NOT do the song any favors.  Jim's favorite on American Idol this year,3rd rater Haylee Rinehart, sang it, so I get to hear that version repeatedly as well.  (I will probably pay for mentioning that fact too...oops).  This song is stalking me, I am sure of it. 

Well, I supposed if I can not escape it, it is only fair that I inflict it on you as well.    The song I hear (wayyyyyy too) often on the radio is......

ROLLING IN THE DEEP

One last fun fact I can add here.  For the longest time I thought the name of this song was "Rolling in the D".  I did not know what the "D" was but that is what the screen on my car radio said the name of the song was.  I guess there was not enough room for the "eep" part on the screen.  The amount of time between when Jim began laughing at me over this til the time he explained the word was "Deep" was excessive and in my mind, a bit unkind.  I'm just sayin.   

Day 16- A Song I Used to Love But Now Hate- My Heart Will Go On

Without rehashing my issue over the use of the term "hate" in this challenge, I can honestly say that I did not have any trouble coming up with a song for today.  I will not go as far as to say that I hate this song, but if I never hear My Heart Will Go On again, I will be perfectly content.

It is not that it is a bad song.  It actually was a nice song the first 10,000 times I heard it.  It is by Celine Dion, who I do really like almost always.  Well, a slight clarification here, I like to hear her sing.  It is very rough to watch her sing though.  That girl makes some of the most hysterically awful faces I have ever seen when she sings.  She is also not a good mover.  I swear she walks around the stage like a truck driver who just got off a 16 hour road trip.  In pictures she is gorgeous but, moving pictures, she really makes me laugh.  It's almost like she is the love child of Elvis and David Lee Roth. 

But she really can sing! 

The song also has in it's corner the fact that it is from a pretty great movie.  I have watched Titanic quite a bit.  I have a thing for Kate Winslet, I admit.  Not so much Leo, but he is very talented too, he just does not draw my attention like she does.  The song works very well with the movie. 

Seriously though, every time I turned on the radio, the tv or saw a drag show in Titanic's heyday, this darn song was playing.  Dance mixes at the club were a staple, American Idol hopefuls by the thousands murdered it over and over again, and awful karaoke renditions that set my teeth on edge all together ruined it for me.  There really CAN be too much of a good thing.  Trust me. 

Maybe in another 10 years, when the song is but a faint echo in my memory, I can return to it and bear to add it on my playlist, but for now, I think I would like to let it rest awhile longer.  The video does however, make me want to watch the movie again.  I guess my 'hate' does not run too deep.  

My Heart Will Go On

Day 15- A Song That Describes Me- Get It Right

I am not sure what I can add to the lyrics of this song.  It is pretty much the story of me these days...

Get it Right

Let me add this only.  Mom, Dad, Megan, Susie and Jim.  I love you all very much.  Thank you for bearing with me all these years.

Day 14- A Song No One Would Expect Me To Love - I Love The Way You Lie

Much has changed in my life in the last year and a half.  Some of it has been good, some has taken some adjustment time, and some still annoys the CRAP out of me, but I'm still here.  One of these changes has been a surprising transition in some of the types of music I listen to.  Previously, when asked what kind of music do I like to listen to, my standard answer would always of been "Anything but Rap".  It just was not my thing.  Apparently that has changed now, at least a little bit. 

Spending my weeks out of town in a new city, Fort Wayne which from here forward will just be The Fort,  I went through the whole mundane discovery process that everyone goes through in living in a new place.  I found the grocery store I liked (which just closed this week to be leveled and rebuilt into a bigger and better store...in a YEAR......Arrrghhhhh!), found a place to get my haircut (every 3rd one is halfway decent, thank goodness my hair grows fast), found my place for Pizza (Hungry Howies....yummm), and found the two clubs in town (After Dark and Babylon) that on those weekends I am stuck in town I can go and hang out with some non canine friends (sorry Sebas, but some times I just gotta).  Radio stations however were a challenge.  When I did find one that played the most of the music I liked, I found that it also mixed in a fair amount of Rap, namely Eminem.

His new album Recovery, had just came out and the song I Love The Way You Lie, I think played every hour.  Rhianna's intro to the song provided the hook that kept me listening and soon I had learned every word to the song.  It's kind of a story song, so of course I liked it even more.  It is an angry song, about being caught in a vicious circle with no apparent escape.  It struck a chord with me.  I soon downloaded several other tracks off of Recovery, read some interviews with Eminem, and soon developed a grudging respect for his work.  Now, I do not discount the genre just out of hand.  I have found several other artists that I like (BYOB, Tinne Tempah, Nicki Minaj, JayZ) and now have added them to the list. 

My Ipod is a little schizophrenic these days.  A playlist can have Eminem, Glee, Carrie Underwood, Kei$ha, Sugarland, JayZ and Cher added in with selections from Dreamgirls, Rent, Miss Saigon, the South Park Movie, and Mamma Mia.  My playlist is like the thing they say about Ohio weather, "if you do not like it, stick around for about 10 minutes, and it will change." 

Love the Way You Lie....Eminem

Since it's Friday, let me give you a little bonus.  It turns out that every story has two sides.  There is a Love The Way You Lie Part 2!!!  The primary voice in the first song is from the guy's point of view.  In Part 2, you get the perspective from the girl.  The song was only released on Rhianna's album, and is a strikingly different tone from the first, not surprisingly.  Put together, the two paint a very vivid picture.  I hope you like it.